Pa Pa's little girl Hannah

How does broken relationship affect on childrens ?

When I write this article, I still feel the pain in my heart as I do not like to recall back my childhood days after my parents’ divorce. I was about 5 years old and my younger brother was 2 ½ years old. My mum brought all of us (4 kids) to my grandparent’s house for temporary stay for beginning months.

We moved to a rented apartment which was half hour drive from my grandparent’s house. My mum was not at home all the time and she always busy with her business as she did jewelry trading in my native town where my dad stays as well. I am not so sure the reason why they divorce but I heard from my mum that my dad is a big bully.

Most of the time, we stay with our babysitter and she did take care of us. No matter how good she was, we still miss my mum. The moment my mum came back from outstation, we were very happy as we can get some presents and sleep with her at night .We are starving for mother love and care. But it did not last long as my mum planned to remarry with a single guy, military captain. This new broke all of our hearts. The worst part is we have to split, cannot stay with my mum as she has to follow her husband hostel provided by military and tried to hide her true identity.

My elder sister was sent to my grandparent’s house and takes care by them. I was sent to my aunt’s family in another town. She just takes care of two sons as there is nobody to take care of them also sent to boarding -school. My mum told me that my aunt is my real mother and asked me to call mum. I was very naïve and I believed whatever she bluffs me.

What people said the truth cannot be covered for long time is correct. I knew the actual story as I grew older through my friends, relatives and neighbors. Although my aunt’s family took very good care of me, nothing and nobody can ease and console my pain, emotion. Whenever I see my friends’ parent who love their children unconditionally, very protective, supportive and I felt very sad, depressed and rejected why I did not get such parental care and love from my parents. My tears flow down whenever I see the other parents pamper and nurture their kids or children.

We are all shaped by our childhood experiences and early childhood trauma lie at the root of most long-term anxiety and depression. There are many studies that show how we are more susceptible to emotional turmoil and psychological disorders when our foundation years are marked by negativity.

What I experienced as a child makes me feel strongly about parents who seemingly neglect to bond with their children. And I feel that both of them are totally irresponsible and very selfish even if they have a comfortable status of finance, none of them provide or support my expenses .It is not a matter of money, it is all about parental care and love .I believed that every family has their own problems, different issues and shortcoming .Anyhow you have to face it and cannot simply run away or throw away the burden to others. My husband parents raise them up very well although they have 16 children and they had experienced the poverty those days. They were a close-knit and happy family. None of them were given away to others and 14 of them are graduate. Some of them even hold master or PhD. I respect them so much of their love and care. The more I saw all these parents, the grater the hatred level increase for my parents. They hurt me in many ways. I was just 5 years old, innocent girl and brought into this world by them.

Indeed a mother’s love is crucial. Scientific evidence in support of this is ever growing evidence that shows that the way we are cared for by our mothers when we are very young will determine not only our emotional development but the biological development of our brain and the central nervous system as well.

Psychotherapist Sue Gerhardt, who in her book, Why Love Matters, says our adult life is influenced by infancy despite our inability to remember babyhood. The development of the brain can affect future emotional being and lead to such conditions as addiction,anorexia,and anti-social behavior.

Hope this article of mine remind to all parents to be more responsible to be a great parents to produce a healthy self-esteem child.Kids who are happy and confident are better equipped  to handle conflicts and cope with pressure.

.